Motherhood, Week 4

Reposted from What He Said Last Night

• Maternity pants don't have zippers. Real pants do. Remember that.
• I don't have the magic. Daddy, friends, grandma, the car, the pacifier - they have the magic. I just have milk. When do I get the magic?
• Yeah, throw away the book. Sometimes, I need sleep. Pacifier it is.

Motherhood, Week 3

Reposted from What He Said Last Night

• Week 2 was rough. Week 3 was better.
• A sweet family moment is only complete when accompanied by a nice, juicy fart.
• Nothing makes diaper changes exciting like the fabled trifecta: a fountain of poo (orange), stream of pee, and a nice dribble of spit-up.
• Car rides really are magic.
• I'm really starting to like this guy; now he is more than just a hungry poop factory.
• Holy crap. I have a son.

Motherhood, Week 1

Reposted from What He Said Last Night

• Despite my limited options, I still don't know what that stain is on my shirt.
• Nothing has taught me how selfish I really am like having a baby. And nothing (not even pride) is more difficult to purge than that selfishness.
• I am no longer afraid of the word 'penis.' I say it all the time: 'Look at your little penis!' If I was so inclined - that is, if I suddenly regressed to being 14-years-old - I could beat anyone at the penis game. I'll do it now. PENIS!
• Baby powder, baby lotion, baby shampoo - they all smell fantastic now.